no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
