my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
