I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
