no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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