you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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