im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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