I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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