He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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