McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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