Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
