I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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