I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
