I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
