i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
