Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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