Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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