The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Terrible idea I love it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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