I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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