His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
my poor anus
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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