she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
