so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
