i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
