Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
