i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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