The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
