So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
