My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Randomize
