i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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