Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
