your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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