you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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