Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
