oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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