Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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