drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
