He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
