He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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