It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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