Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
