Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
