It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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