All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I am mentally ready for anal.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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