You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
