He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
