Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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