Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
