Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
