it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
