We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
