This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
