When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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