omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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